Why Did I Want to Get Married Again?

If you remember, awhile back I got engaged to Novio. Who knew that a commitment-phobic-sex-studying-nerd like me could tie the knot? However, I didn't realize that getting engaged meant that people were going to expect me to plan a wedding! The excitement of being engaged has now turned into a resentment since every woman I talk to ends up grilling me about wedding details. Of course no one asks Novio a thing, he just grins and me and excuses himself to talk to the boys about the Brazil/U.S. game, or comparing the great MJ to Kobe on basketball skills. I watched the soccer game, I want to talk about it. And I would love to argue with anyone who thinks Kobe is better than MJ. But nooooo, I'm stuck with the women having to talk about "wedding seasons", reception venues, and whether I would like to be a sparkly princess or a blushing bride on my day.

If you haven't picked up on it yet, I am not exactly the girliest of girls. I don't know what colors go with what time of year (who knew colors and seasons had to match?), I only know three flowers by name, and I don't have the slightest clue where to start in planning something that is supposed to be "the most important day of my life". I thought I could just get engaged, and then think about all that wedding stuff when I have time (which, at this point, I am starting to think is never).

Thankfully my Maid of Honor, who is my sister, knows me inside and out. Every time a family member or friend starts to get all "weddingy" on me (which includes gasping every time I say the word wedding, husband, or ceremony; jumping up and down while looking at my ring; and saying things like "I'm sure you have planned for this day your entire life!" or "I bet you thought he would never ask!") she comes to my rescue. Normally she finds a way to get me out of the situation and then stops me from hyperventilating, throwing up, or running out of the house screaming. That's why she get's to be my right hand woman.

On a side note, did you know there is a secret language to wedding planning? For example, I just learned last week that I can abbreviate Maid of Honor to MOH, but if you ask me, that sounds too much like MUFF. And apparently you are only a Maid of Honor if you are single, but if you are married you are stuck with Matron of Honor. I thought I knew the "no seeing your fiance in your wedding dress" one, but apreantly it is much more extensive than that. I am going to get kidnapped the night before because I am not allowed to see him or talk to him the entire day! Who else is going to keep me sane when all of these people run around trying to find blue shit that is borrowed while squalling and crying every time I walk into the room? Really, who comes up with these wedding rules, and why is it that just because I have a vagina everyone expects me to know these things?

I am already feeling sick just writing this blog about weddings. Thankfully, my MOH is all about wedding planning, so I struck a deal with her: she plans the wedding, and I relieve her of her obligatory wedding gift. I think we both see it as a win-win. So, if you want more wedding details, you are going to have to ask her.